You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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