They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize