Can i not drive my cunt home
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
