Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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