She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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