Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
