the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
