So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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