Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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