Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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