Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
