i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
