Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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