you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
