My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
