I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
