Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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