Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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