He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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