he thought i was a dude.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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