there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
