where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
