When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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