dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
