you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
