I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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