Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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