I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
