Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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