that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
