1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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