I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
