I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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