ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
