I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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