It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
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I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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