Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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