I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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