rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
