had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
