You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
