Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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