Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
