On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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