Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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