Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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