oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
