I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
