it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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