if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
