I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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