can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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