im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
