no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
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Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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