Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
