My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
