The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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